Reparenting: The Tricks and Treats of the Child Within
By Bill Benson · Oct 3, 2022
Like it or not, you cohabitate with who you were, as well as who you are. Here’s how to get the most from all aspects of your personality through Reparenting techniques.
Welcome to Your Inner Child
We all have at least one child in our lives at all times. In fact, parenthood is a lifelong role every one of us must play because former versions of ourselves still exist. This isn’t spooky Halloween conjuring; it’s human nervous system biology.
Try this: Remember an embarrassing moment from your past. Now notice if you’re suddenly blushing (or have a similar reaction within your body): That’s how potent memories can be.
Like it or not, we’re all inwardly cohabitating with who we were, as well as who we are.
I’m All Grown Up – Why Do I Still Have an Inner Child?
As we develop, we not only remember what we’ve learned, we also recall who we were when these realizations occurred -It’s like an emotional snapshot. As we call up our knowledge, we also subconsciously reacquaint ourselves with former versions of who we were.
Effectively Reparenting the Child Within
Since dipping into memory brings with it former emotional states, we must deal with all of our “skeletons.” Our pasts can haunt or help us: the ways we solve problems at one point in our development may be inappropriate as we move forward from childhood into adulthood and beyond. Therefore, we must be mindful and proceed with self-patience and inward guidance.
So, here are some tricks and treats to consider when parenting the younger versions of ourselves:
Childish Tricks
Are you abruptly cutting someone off mid-conversation? Finding yourself inflexible when facing unexpected changes? Perhaps you’re acting impatiently during challenging circumstances?
Becoming overwhelmed or exasperated is a sure sign the kid within is overthrowing your adult intentions. Children haven’t figured out how to navigate the nuances of being all grown up, so they become frustrated when overstimulated.
Reparenting is the ability to use mature perspectives to calm our inner selves. Please remember that kids are not monsters (although they can behave devilishly). We must metaphorically pat our cranky kids on the head and send them to bed when they misbehave in these ways. Fine-tune your awareness to know when to step in with mature responsiveness to correct petulant reactivity.
Childlike Treats
Our internalized children are not pure liabilities. On the contrary, they can usher in wonderment as we hike and joy as we playfully roll around with our actual kids or pets.
Are you trudging through your work week? Finding yourself rushing from one task to another? Are you numb or exhausted due to life circumstances?
Adopt the healthy challenge of switching up your mindset. Ask your inner child to come out and play by taking a moment to get curious – about anything:
- Wonder who made the chair you are currently using while reading this article.
- Notice the bug on the window and imagine its intention.
- Ponder how electricity works as you plug in your coffee maker.
When the adult world becomes daunting, connect with the realm of possibilities your inner child provides. A place where wondering is wonderful because it opens you to in-the-moment experiences. Just as we can become suddenly flushed by embarrassing memories, we can also become instantly relieved using curiosity and outward focus.
We do not need to control the world; we are small pieces of a more significant system.
Take Yourself Trick & Treating
As adults, we have done the decades-long work of internalizing our abilities to self-soothe. Use who you’ve become to recognize that things do not have to be a certain way for you to feel happy. Instead, realize that you can artfully change your internal perspectives to regain inner peace regardless of what’s going on in your life.
In like kind, reacquaint yourself with your curiosity and imagination. Let your inner kid run and play when appropriate. Create a friendship between both parts of you – and enjoy the dual benefits of this well-roundedness.
A balanced life is a product of all we were and all we are. Through Reparenting, decide to show up with all the appropriate parts of you, however mysterious, splendid, or surprising circumstances can be.