Mastering Joy Through Your Holidays
By Bill Benson · December 30, 2023
The holidays are upon us, so let’s delve into navigating the festive hustle without losing sight of our true selves.
Below, from the subtle art of self-observation to the power of setting boundaries, we’ll explore universal principles that contribute to emotional well-being during the holiday festivities.
Get ready to unwrap the gift of “joy” as we discuss the nuances of finding balance, embracing abundance, and fostering genuine connections.
Let’s make this holiday season a time of laughter, warmth, and a deeper understanding of ourselves.
Mastering Joy Through Your Holidays
As we dive into the holiday hustle, it’s crucial to be mindful of sneaky thoughts and deeds that threaten to disrupt the festive vibe and prevent us from truly connecting with others.
A Common Kicker
Over the years, many of you have read my writings exploring a range of psychologies, from Freud’s ego intricacies to Beck’s Cognitive Behavioral Therapies. But here’s the kicker: there’s a well-being enhancer alluded to in most humanistic schools of thought – whether psychological, philosophical, or literary:
Most of all, to thine own self be true.
Humans are “yarn spinners:” We weave our daily nonfiction into tales shaped by our personalities and perspectives. Our ultimate challenge? Functioning without distorting reality – a balancing act that’s make-or-break for getting along with others and functioning appropriately during life’s unfolding events and circumstances.
It’s our ability to effectively self-observe within the stanzas and lines of our lives that emerge as our secret salve for garnering emotional well-being. Clear and accurate self-awakening goes a long way, not just for personal satisfaction but for fostering a sense of togetherness during the holidays and beyond.
So, how do we dodge our internal dramatic narratives to ensure we’re fully experiencing our lives and authentically contributing to shared interactions?
Teetering on the Brink of Success
Picture personal awareness as the fulcrum on a mood swing teeter-totter.
Center your focus: Don’t let the celebratory circumstances send you skittering to the extremes of cleverness or bawdiness. The point of reveling is not to wildly “let go” but to festively connect. Sticking behaviorally closer to the central fulcrum by responding thoughtfully, not impulsively, helps keep situations – both internally and externally – compatibly in balance.
Meet Joy – an acronym that’s not just a way to define extreme happiness but also a powerful opportunity to “just observe yourself.”
Ask yourself: Does what I’m about to say add to the collective conversation, or is my utterance designed as a personal ego boost?
If you’re dressed to impress and full of stress: Are you trying to control people’s perceptions of you? If so, your insecurities are taking center stage.
Embrace the abundance that’s inherently you through mindful modulation. The way to “nail” fulfillment is by not being self-involved but by embracing inner clarity and keeping your thoughts, feelings, and actions in check – choosing to center your objective on sharing, not standing out.
Tips: During gatherings, envision you’re a paint color in the celebratory canvas that everyone is painting together. When you’re out and about, focus on becoming a part of the unfolding harmonious scene.
Joyful living comes from truthful self-observation and accurate self-representation.
Check-in Before Diving-in
JOY is also about boundary-setting: Saying no when needed fuels compassion and makes you more available for the collective experiences you deem meaningful.
Obligation leads to irritation: As you check your holiday calendars, RSVP “no” to obligations that threaten your festive journey. Transform any shoulds into coulds: Instead of “I should be at every event,” try reasoning “I could attend – but only if it aligns with my authentic interests” – and then use this centered perspective to choose wisely.
Perceptions Perfect Gift
So, this holiday, skip the mind clutter. Navigate holiday gatherings with the power of self-observation, not self-involvement. Modulate your impulses using Joy to embrace self-acceptance and abundance.
This season, the true gift is understanding how you handle yourself truthfully.
—
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!
-Act 1 scene 3, Shakespeare’s Hamlet
References:
Damasio, A. R. (1999). The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness. Harcourt.
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. Bantam.
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden Publishing.
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. Bantam.
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Zondervan.