Couples Counseling is not only about relationship management; it also involves strengthening partnership bonds. It is very similar to maintaining your body at the gym. The more out of shape you become, the harder it is to sustain good health. In interpersonal relationships, the more emotional distance created, the more difficult it may be to rekindle a connection.
The good news is: Our “emotional muscle” is as flexible as our physical muscle. Emotional bonds develop with healthy communication practices, much like physical muscle grows with exercise. In couples therapy, partners can actively work on establishing communication, cooperation, and compromise: bending without breaking and conditioning themselves to do the necessary work to strengthen their bond instead of “throwing in the towel.”
Seeking out couples counseling resources is a way to ensure relationship well-being: You do not have to wait until things go terribly wrong before entering relationship counseling (old grudges festering, deep resentments exploding, infidelity striking, and/or “last-straw” ultimatums). It is a myth that seeing a therapist indicates that your relationship is tragically flawed: The stigma of therapy is a fallacy! Relationship counseling is an opportunity to become closer to your partner and experience them – and your connection – in expansive ways that enhance your life journey.
What is Couples Counseling Like?
Couples counseling involves building communication skills, listening to your partner and understanding their perspective (although it may differ from your own), sharing vulnerable feelings, discussing past hurts and resentments, valuing each other, embracing your differences, challenging distorted thinking, increasing the level of intimacy, regaining trust, recovering from infidelity, reinvigorating your sex life, learning how to be best friends – and so much more.
What Types of Challenges Do Couples Face Before Therapy?
Do you think with your heart or your head?
In my experience, most partners have different perspectives: one partner may be more logical, while the other functions more emotionally. Understanding your partner becomes difficult if you assume they think and behave as you do. The thought, “He/she just doesn’t understand me,” may manifest, leading to frustration that ultimately leads to disconnect and isolation.
Communication Roadblocks
Does your partner constantly provide possible solutions rather than actively listening? Do they lecture, judge, shame, or enable? If so, he/she is not promoting positive communication. This type of behavior may cause one partner to feel guilty, worthless, inferior, or in some cases, not responsible for their actions. These communication roadblocks can quickly stunt a potentially healthy relationship.
Trust Issues
Some people find it easier to lie than tell the truth. Even white lies can be detrimental to the trust level in a relationship. Imagine a rubber band repeatedly stretched to its limit that eventually loses its ability to snap back. When falsehoods become commonplace, we lose the ability to return to the trustful experiences we once shared. Distrust leads to jealousy, low self-esteem, and resentment.
Therapy as a Useful Tool for Change and Growth
Even if some or all of the above examples describe your relationship, there is hope! Committing to couples counseling can provide much-needed insight into how your partner thinks and why they behave the way they do. But the sooner, the better: therapy is most productive when grudges and narratives have not entrenched themselves in your communication style.
Couples counseling provides each partner the skills to communicate effectively, resolve differences in healthier ways, and reinforce the positive aspects of your relationship.
So, work out that relationship just as you would your body – there’s no time like the present to get emotionally fit!