Can I Trust You With My Authentic Opinion?
By Bill Benson · June 28, 2022
The concept of “fitting in by standing out” mystifies me. Both seem diametrically opposed. After all, doesn’t “standing out” divide us from the very pack we’re trying to “fit into”?
Yet, this is the very philosophy behind Social Media.
Technology can be a convenient friend for connecting – or self-esteem Enemy #1. Friend or foe, I describe this phenomenon’s expectations (and compulsions) below and suggest a way to re-wire one’s anxiety around playing with social media. -BB
At some point, we’ve all:
1). Emulated people we felt were “cooler” than us.
2). Adopted a new style or trend to fit in.
3). Stated something we don’t really believe in for the social endorsement.
We can chalk this typical “teenage stuff” up to a developmental time in our lives when collective identities were paramount.
Unfortunately, in today’s Insta/FB/TikTok culture, some of us never entirely grow out of these formative practices and mindsets. Worse, because a media blurring now exists between reliable and manufactured information, many never truly develop a stable sense of others – or themselves.
The Truth Can Be Scary
The Internet was once a clever way to socially connect through new-found technology (remember chat rooms?). Now, primarily repurposed as a tool for self-promotion and one-ups-man-ship, the stakes have gone from recreational to representational.
Feeling this pressure, many people adopt social media personas out of a need to protect themselves. We “mask up:” feeling the need to participate (or be left behind) but “fudging” our viewpoints as a form of emotional protection. We hide behind half-truths because we fear our transparency will broadcast our vulnerabilities, leaving us open to criticism (at best) or humiliation (at worst).
Sadly, we complicate human-to-human interactions by corralling people with less-than-honest information. Displaying only what we assume they will endorse, we deny others any real possibility of knowing, appreciating, valuing, and authentically validating us.
Why the ‘Perfect Ten′ Gets Imperfect Results
The irony here is that posturing and proving are mainly futile. I’ve counseled people celebrated on the outside but devastatingly lonely on the inside because no one can see past their personas. In reality, people just don’t resonate with perfect people. Although we can admire those we objectify, we rarely relate to – and often envy them. These vessels of our projected ideals then become subjects of hearsay and gossip. We attempt to topple “the perfect among us” to feel better about our self-perceived imperfections.
Isn’t it ironic that adulation can keep us from the authentic interactions we all desire?
A Simpler, Sloppier Solution
Honest conversation is the social glue that connects society. Healthy relationships are two-way streets where participants transparently disclose to each other in a flowing, ever-deepening pattern.
Admitting social campaigns don’t win us influence or respect begins a conversation about setting down these adolescent and awkward attempts at distinction.
However, trusting this process in our selfie-driven culture takes work. Counselors can help. Psychotherapy uncovers maladaptive behaviors and strengthens authentic communication.
Suppose we can tolerate others noticing our imperfections. In that case, we can experience firsthand how letting situations unfold organically allows people to know and love us.
Stopping the Scroll
Let’s end our inauthentic posturing and increase the quality of our interactions and relationships. Setting down our need to be attractive to others frees us to focus on activities that we find truly meaningful. From there, life becomes a journey guided by contribution and collective betterment – leading to significant emotional wealth.
“To be interesting, be interested.”
– Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
When we authentically communicate, we add to the greater good resulting in a kind of public endorsement no clever social media campaign could ever achieve.